’twas a few nights before

‘twas a few nights before Christmas

Santa let out a fart
staggered out the door
bottle of Jack in his hands
took  a piss on fresh snow
exclaimed
that felt good.
He went out to the barn
spoke to the reindeer’s
in 7 different languages
told them to eat up
for their duties have changed.
Instead of gifts under the tree
going down a chimney
he instructed them to crap on floors
while he gets high on crack.
Oh jolly man
he’s taken a turn towards reality
ain’t got time to check who’s been
naughty or nice
cause this world has gone to hell
fast
faster than Rudolph
nose bloody from snorting coke
and picture that
on a bottle.
’twas a few nights before Christmas
Santa toked, choked
toked some more
laughed out loud
exclaimed
Merry, Merry
blow me!

No animals were harmed in this poem